Cindy Corton, 35, was left with the bizarre injury after a drunken fall in a friend’s bathroom in 2005 but “serious errors” by doctors then led to her death.

It was two years before Cindy, who was in constant pain, was able to convince doctors that the thin serrated plastic handle was stuck in the flesh of her bottom.

By then what should have been a routine procedure to remove it had become much more dangerous because the handle had become embedded in her pelvis.

After two unsuccessful operations in 2007 the mother-of-one was in such agony that she agreed to undergo further surgery in June last year despite being told it could prove fatal.

Cindy of Sleaford, Lincs, spent more than ten hours in surgery at Nottingham’s Queens Medical Centre but died from massive blood loss.

Husband Peter, 61, said that when his wife first attended A&E at Lincoln County Hospital she was sent home with painkillers, despite showing them the wound on her bottom.

Four days later she was in such pain she went to Grantham Hospital and, although x-rays were taken, nothing was found.

He told the inquest in Grantham: “She wasn’t properly examined by the doctor at Lincoln.

“At Grantham she wasn’t examined properly again.

“This was unsatisfactory. The failures to investigate sufficiently in the first place at Lincoln and Grantham were a major factor in Cindy suffering.

“This could have been prevented by early location and removal of the foreign body which would have been a simple procedure at the time.”

Recording a narrative verdict West Lincolnshire coroner Stuart Fisher criticised Dr Killian Mbewe who first examined Mrs Corton at Grantham Hospital.

Despite being told what had happened he simply had an x-ray taken which revealed nothing.

“It appears Dr Mbewe did not seek a second opinion, ” said Mr Fisher.

“My view is that this failure to pursue further medical inquiries at this stage was a very serious error on his part.

“Had he done so and surgery had taken place I have no doubt Mrs Corton would be alive today.

“Surely if it was not picked up on the x-ray you don’t abandon this woman and send her home with a few tablets.

“It was a significant foreign object. It is difficult to image anything more significant.”

Witness Bruce Hickling of Ruskington, Lincs, told the hearing of the night the accident happened when Cindy had arrived at his home drunk.

He said: “She was drunk. After about an hour she wanted to go to the toilet but I had to help her up the stairs.

“Then I heard the toilet flush followed by a bang and a cry.

“I went in and saw Cindy stuck between the toilet and the wall. I tried to lift her but she was wedged tight.”

He needed the assistance of a friend to free her before calling an ambulance because she was bleeding.

“When the crew arrived they weren’t very happy. They said she was drunk.”

He said it was the next day when he discovered that the handle of the toilet brush was snapped off and missing.

Cindy’s husband, a construction manager, is now taking legal action against United Lincolnshire Hospitals Trust.

He said after the hearing: “Ok she was drunk but they didn’t take her seriously. She showed them the wound but they didn’t do a proper examination.

“I think it was probably down to the hospitals trying to save money and doing things as cheaply as possible.”

He added: “Cindy got a very poor service from the NHS. I’m sure she would have got better treatment in foreign countries.”

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

3. MONEY
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

4. BATHROOMS
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that… is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

7. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

8. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

9. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

10. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you that she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”

Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”

Family Member: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”

Citibank: “Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau; maybe both!”

Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”

Citibank: “Excuse me?”

Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?”

Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor”

Supervisor gets on the phone.

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”

Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees & charges still apply.”

Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”

Citibank: (stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”

Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (lawyer info given)

Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”

Family Member: “Sure.” (the fax number is given)

After they get the fax …

Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”

Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”

Citibank: “Well, the late fees & charges do still apply.”

Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”

Citibank: “That might help.”

Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”

Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”

Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on your planet?”

I don’t know what to due. I seems like if my opinion differs from hers it’s wrong. And if she’s accused of bein wrong then I’m in deep. I don’t understand her sometimes. She can be the sweetest person on the earth on minute and the next…

I love my wife. I’ve loved her from the moment I saw her at the gator wrestling expo in Morehead, Kentuchy back in 1972.

I think the reason my wife and I argue so much is that sexual tension thing. It’s tough to get-it-on with a trailer full of young’uns and Old English Sheepdogs. Sometimes I want her to wrestle me like one of them gators and… I’ve said to much.

Anyways… Happy New Years!

Take Care Y’all
Jethro

“A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply can-not exist as a permanent form of government.

“A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.

“From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.

“The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence:

1. From bondage to spiritual faith;

2. From spiritual faith to great courage;

3. From courage to liberty;

4. From liberty to abundance;

5. From abundance to complacency;

6. From complacency to apathy;

7. From apathy to dependence;

8. From dependence back into bondage

The city of Stockholm shoots thousands of wild rabbits spread across the green spaces of the Swedish capital and sends their bodies to be burned as heating fuel, a practice which has enraged animal rights groups.

City official Mats Freij said Stockholm killed 6,000 wild rabbits last year and has culled 3,000 so far this year, but said a subcontractor decided to use the cadavers as fuel.

“One should put this in the perspective that we (humans) are actually cremated ourselves and that generates a completely different reaction,” Freij said in response to criticism.

Animal Rights Sweden spokeswoman Lise-Lott Alsenius questioned whether the practice was humane or ethical and suggested neutering the male rabbits as an alternative method of holding down the population.

“One at least has to evaluate what the alternatives are to just simply shooting them,” she said.

Konvex, the company handling the operation, said the rabbits were ground up with the cadavers of other beasts, mainly farm animals such as cows which have been deemed unfit for human consumption, reduced to flammable form and incinerated.

“Just as with us people … the bodies contain a lot of fat and fat has exactly the same energy content as normal heating oil for instance,” Konvex Chief Executive Leo Virta said.

The statements and products shown on this website have not been evaluated by the US Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Those seeking treatment for a specific disease should consult a qualified integrative physician prior to using our products if possible. Product should be taken as part of a healthy lifestyle and individual results may vary. The individuals shown are paid models, and not necessarily Selmedica Healthcare customers. All of the testimonial statements are genuine. The experience of the customers who have submitted these testimonials are unique and do not guarantee or predict any outcome. These customers were compensated for their testimonials with free product. This product should be taken as part of a healthy lifestyle and individual results may vary. The individuals shown are paid models, and not necessarily Selmedica Healthcare customers. All of the testimonial statements are genuine. The experience of the customers who have submitted these testimonials are unique and do not guarantee or predict any outcome. These customers were compensated for their testimonials with free product.

The man was discovered in a state of distress at the state government-run nursing home in south west Queensland.

Local MP Ray Hopper likened the situation to the Third World.

“I’m told by the elderly man’s daughter that the poor old fellow had been trying to brush the mice away as they continued chewing his ears, head and neck,” he said.

“He was so stressed that doctors put him on morphine to calm him down. He nearly died on Saturday night. He was being eaten alive.”

The attack came to light when the man’s daughter complained to the MP.

Queensland’s Health Minister Paul Lucas has apologised to the victim and his family, and offered to relocate other residents of the facility.

The man’s daughter said her father was unaware the mice attack took place.

“Because of his age, he’s bed-ridden and he has limited communication ability,” she said.

The woman told of her disbelief after seeing the injuries on Sunday. “It wasn’t just a little nip. It wasn’t nice at all,” she said.

She added how her family still had complete faith in the nursing home staff, who have had a close relationship with the man during his two years there.

But Australia’s Ageing Minister Justine Elliot has ordered an investigation into the procedures and processes at the home in Dalby, 130 miles west of Brisbane.

Karingal Nursing Home, an 80-bed facility with 22 residents over the age of 90, cannot operate without accreditation.

Extra staff and pest control contractors have been called in to deal with the vermin, a Queensland Health spokeswoman said.

What John saves on gas, he spends on gloves.

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It’s almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them the first woman accidentally does just that.

Along comes Saint Peter with the ugliest man she’s ever seen.

He chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on that duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man.”

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes Saint Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for eternity to an ugly man, is very, very careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, and then one day Saint Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on – very tall, long eyelashes, muscular and thin.

He chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “Well, I don’t know about you…but I stepped on a duck.”

The wife says to her husband that the guy has probably gone crazy from the isolation, and that he can’t be relied upon in the tree-top. She sugggests that he – her husband – go up the tree and let the man come down. The husband agrees that this might be the best solution, and trades places with the man. After a few minutes he looks down at the beach at his wife and the other guy and says to himself, “Gee, from up here it really does look like two people screwing.”

He looks at her; she looks at him; and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, “Um…you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?”

He asks her, “Shall we?”

She eagerly replies, “Oh, yes! But let’s change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head.”

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe raised one finger.

Next the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever and that the Jews could stay.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

“Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

“I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue.”

Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moishe. “What happened?” they asked.

“Well,” said Moishe, “First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I said to him, Up yours! Then he told me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, Mr. Pope, we’re staying right here.”

“And then what?” asked a woman.

“Who knows?” said the Rabbi, “He took out his lunch so I took out mine.”

The old man looked him up and down and said, “Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a bit lower down on your leg.

“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the young man. “Sure will,” said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his Colt Peacemaker and shot the tie off the piano player. “That’s terrific!” said the cowboy. “Got any more tips for me?”

“Yep,” said the old man. “Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw.”

“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the younger man. “You bet it will,” said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

“Wow!” said the cowboy. “I’m learning’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?”

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. “See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.” The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. “No,” said the old-time, “I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.”

“Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the young man.

“No,” said the old-timer, “but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that song on the piano, he’s going to shove that gun up your ass and that grease’ll make it hurt less.”

Sam looks up at Bill, and says, “Bill, you’ve been my best friend many years. This favor, if it is at all possible, I’ll do for you.”

And shortly after that, Sam passes on.

It is midnight a couple of nights later. Bill is sound asleep when he is awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calls out to him, “Bill…. Bill….”

“What?! Who is it?” asks Bill, sitting up suddenly. “Who’s there?”

“Bill, it’s me – Sam.”

“Come on. You’re not Sam. Sam just died.”

“I’m telling you,” insists the voice. “It’s me, Sam.”

“Sam? Is that really you? Where are you?”

“I’m in heaven,” says Sam, “and I’ve got to tell you, I’ve got really good news and a little bad news.”

“So, tell me the good news first,” says Bill.

“The good news,” replies Sam, “is that there is baseball in heaven. Better yet, all our old buddies went before us are here. Better yet, we’re all young men again. And it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows or gets too hot to play. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want and we never get tired.”

“Really?” says Bill. “Thats’ fantastic! Wonderful beyond my wildest dreams! But, what’s the bad news?”

“You’re pitching next Tuesday.”

There I cuddled up to my wife’s back and now with a different kind of anticipation, I whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

She sleepily replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?”