A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. The priest says he must ask his superiors and eventually the pope will need to be consulted. The [...]
A Mexican, an Arab, and a Redneck are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, ‘In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.’ [...]
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it, don’t waste them away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually, speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your [...]
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas “A [...]
~ The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5′ 10″, with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds. ~ The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives. ~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud [...]
1. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) 2. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) 3. On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that [...]
Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t [...]
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction. “Hello,” said the little boy. “Hi,” replied the little girl. “Where are you going?” asked the little boy. “I’ve been to church this morning [...]
A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results. Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill. Just then a mother with a small child in need of immediate attention entered. After the orderly disappeared with the new patient, the [...]
“I am a fan of the social policies that you find in Europe.” – Hillary to Rep. Dennis Hastert in 1993 “We just can’t trust the American people to make these types of choices…. Government has to make those choices for people.” – Hillary to a friend before starting law school “We are at a [...]
Senator Hillary Clinton, on an airliner bound for Texas, finds herself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt, faded jeans, and a cowboy hat. Thinking herself above the old cowboy, she decides to make sport of him. ‘You know,’ she says, ‘I’ve heard these flights go much more quickly if [...]
Women get bra price equality Forty years after feminists threatened to burn their bras, British women have won another battle in the fight for equality. Asda, Britain’s second-biggest food retailer and owned by U.S. giant Wal-Mart, says it will no longer charge women more for bigger bras in its George fashion range. “We’re putting an [...]
A British bus company has apologized to a girl who is led around on a leash by her boyfriend and describes herself as a human pet after one of its drivers threw her off a bus. Tasha Maltby, 19, told British newspapers she was the “pet” of her 25-year-old fiance Dani Graves. Pictures showed her [...]
MADRID – A Spanish driver who collided with a cyclist is suing the dead youth’s family $29,300 for the damage the impact of his body did to his luxury car, a Spanish newspaper reported on Friday. Businessman Tomas Delgado says 17-year-old Enaitz Iriondo caused $20,500 of damage to his Audi A8 in the fatal 2004 [...]
Miss the experience of skiing? Try the following to get that feeling back. 10. Visit your local butcher and pay $10 to sit in his walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in [...]
A man owned a small farm in Indiana. The Indiana State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an Agent out to interview him. “I need a list of your employees and how much You pay them,” demanded the agent. “Well,” replied the farmer, “there’s my [...]
One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front [...]
A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing [...]
Really Good Hints for the Inexperienced Traveler – Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase “Free Ammo.” – Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is Die American Pig. – There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if [...]
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ”R,” and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ”Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.” In class a [...]