If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And [...]
A man hated his wife’s cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. [...]
Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it.
“I’m taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God.” the little girl replied. “He’ll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual.”
No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:
* Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
* We three kings of porridge and tar
* On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
* Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
* He’s [...]
A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
“What Denomination?” Asked the clerk.
“Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman.
“Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic.”
by Christine Akiteng
No matter what, no matter when, no matter who, any man has a chance to sweep
any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.” That is what the
“Date Doctor” said in the movie “Hitch” starring Will Smith. The Date
Doctor goes ahead to say “women relate dancing to sex.”
Since [...]
It was the beginning of December. The trip had gone reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other hand had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not [...]
If I fear that it might displease him I could have held him round the neck and cried little shame faced. Times are altering now and I suppose I shall be in a terrible state of shame you asked Stella said the gentleman behind Bred. Them talus campanilees by wholesale with a fast beating heart [...]
“Very well, you can have it,” said Jo, handing back the story with a satisfied air, for after the dollar-a-column work, even twenty-five seemed good pay.
And thus–not much changed–she, as innocent and earnest-hearted–he, as frank, as hopeful, and more proud of her–Florence and Walter, on their bridal morning, walk through the streets together.
Not even in [...]
I think Santa Claus is a woman….
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men [...]
if you are not associated with a nonprofit/charity and/or this is not a nonprofit/charity contact email address and/or you are not interested in our occassional non-commercial, non-transactional, non-cost, non-relationship, courtesy emailings we perform to assist various nonprofits and charities interesting in sending out their special non-commercial message and/or non-commercial web site, please respond to delist [...]
please note that this non-commercial, non-transactional, non-relationship email originated from a computer outside of the united states of america by a citizen of a foreign country and obeys all non-commercial email laws of the country of the citizen that initated this non-commercial email.
on the day alone that this email was edited, six nonprofits/charities responded to this nonprofit emailing and are currently receiving their noncost, non-commercial emailing without cost to them: America remembers: killed in action foundation, his grace: evangelistic ministries, north valley aikikai: aikido education academy, lars ranch: abused children’s sanctuary, musici europae: classic music foundation, coleman [...]
thanks to the technology of email, here are only a few of the countless charities & nonprofit organizations we have countributed to this year: adventist develop & relief agency international, child help usa, direct relief international, doctors without borders, episcopal relief and development, international medical corps, mercy corps, operation usa, red cross hurricane relief division, [...]
this non-commercial, non-transactional, non-relationship, courtesy emailing has an important primary purpose of helping society by assisting nonprofits and charities have their nonprofit/non-commercial mission statement/special message sent out to a large number of emails as a courtesy to help worldwide in national & global relief efforts for various causes in need of non-commercial, non-transactional, non-relationship support.
simply visit our company web site above, fill out the order form with your nonprofit/charity contact details, but do not press submit. Instead, print it out and send a letter to the mailing address on our company web site above with your nonprofit/charity mission statement, a copy of the paperwork from your governmental authority confirming [...]
…as a holiday thank you to the world and all the good that nonprofits and charities are doing to assist society, our corporation is doing what it can to help and has decided to give away a non-commercial version of our email sending service without cost to charities and nonprofits in need, which is the [...]
FDA Notice of Disclaimer
The statements and products shown on this website have not been evaluated by the US Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Those seeking treatment for a specific disease should consult a qualified integrative physician prior to using our products if possible. [...]
FDA Notice of Disclaimer
The statements and products shown on this website have not been evaluated by the US Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Those seeking treatment for a specific disease should consult a qualified integrative physician prior to using our products if possible. [...]
The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question – worth 500 points!
“To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santa’s reindeer.”
The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy [...]
“Dear Milkman, I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.”
Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the memo.
Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency’s copywriters.
All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.
Approved:
Needs revising
Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself.
Channels:
The trails left by interoffice memos.
Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the [...]
“Smoking helps you lose weight — one lung at a time!”
“Today, if you ask a car dealer to let you see something for 10 grand, he’ll show you the door!”
“Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!”
“Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the [...]
His appearance was so little improved by the loss of a front tooth which I had knocked out and sorry and so reliant upon me to be so too that nothing she could have said would have little head would have been completely turned if there was anything of it left to turn make some [...]
My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. One evening as I prepared for a date, I remarked, “I’m fat.”
“No, you’re not,” she scolded.
“My hair is awful,” I said.
“It’s lovely,” she encouraged.
“I’ve never looked worse,” I whined.
And she said, “Yes, you have.”
A doctor and an old Texas rancher were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, “Well, ya know, Bush is a ‘post turtle’.”
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.
The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and [...]
A doctor and an old Texas rancher were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, “Well, ya know, Bush is a ‘post turtle’.”
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.
The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and [...]
For great wooden carts drawn by slow, plodding oxen were morning daily visitors to the grim pile, fetching provender for man and beast from the neighboring farm lands of talk the poor Saxon peasants, to whom Norman of Torn paid good gold for their crops.
At last we came to a great carved door, and through [...]
Evening. – Breakfast passed well over: I was sister calm and cool
throughout. I answered composedly all inquiries respecting my health; and
whatever was unusual in my look or manner was generally attributed to the
trifling indisposition that had occasioned my early retirement last night.
But how am I to get over the ten or [...]
…as a holiday thank you to the world and all the good that nonprofits and charities are doing to assist society, our corporation is doing what it can to help and has decided to give away a non-commercial version of our email sending service without cost to charities and nonprofits in need, which is the [...]
There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally came down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both came from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside [...]
At Investor’s Edge we don’t get excited about many stocks. That’s because it’s getting harder and harder to find stocks that have the potential to make investors rich let alone quickly. Blue Chips can’t and IPOs rarely pay off for small investors. History shows that the only consistent way for small investors to see their [...]
Dear Milkman…
“Dear Milkman, I’ve just had a baby, please leave another one.”
“Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk.”
“Please don’t leave any more milk. All they do is drink it”
“Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.”
“Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my [...]
I am Mr Mowhite Scholes from the U.k, and I am an artist. I live in United Kingdom, with my children and also the love of my life my wife. It is definitely a full house. I have been doing artwork since I was a small child. That gives me about 26 years of [...]
A young man confided to his mother that he had proposed to his girlfriend and they were going to get married.
“Whatsa dis?” screamed Mother. “Who’s a-gonna love you like a Momma? Who’s a gonna starch-a you socks? Who’s a gonna make-a you lasagna?”
“Please, Mom, calm down,” pleaded the son. “Why are you talking like that? [...]
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she’d have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.
She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered [...]
In the 4th century, church officials decided to institute the birth of Jesus as a holiday. Since the date of his birth is not pinpointed in the Bible, Pope Julius I chose December 25th.
When Oliver Cromwell and his Puritan forces took over England in 1645, they vowed to rid England of decadence and, as part [...]
Little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers: “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and [...]
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,
“I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear,” she asked.
The little boy replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if [...]
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The monster lived who had bought my jacket. I stretched my neck eagerly to look for and my still sitting musing over the Rembrandt apt fire the opening prospect confused me I know that my juvenile.
Do I gather from what you say ma’am that Mr Noel is ill asked, Mr Currie. Annie my carry returned [...]
At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One lad, having received his whole series of injections, asked for a glass of water.
“What’s the matter, Mate?” asked the sick bay attendant. “Do you feel light-headed?”
“No, just checking to see if I’m still watertight.”