Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced, “A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.” There was a moment’s silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, “Two thousand five hundred!”
A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the behavior of the giant rat of Sumatra. Around dusk of the first day, he’s sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. [...]
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American. “Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them.” The American nodded. “It’s the same in the USA only we see stars [...]
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My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said [...]
A young man drove his minibike in to a gas station and dismounted. “I’ll need about a pint of gas,” he said to the attendant, “and a few ounces of oil for the motor.” “Certainly sir,” the attendant said, “And would you also like me to cough into your tires?”
This is a personal experience of someone coping with the Mexican constitution and policies. Mexicans Given Free Ride To Work While Americans Have To ‘Jump Through Hoops’ To Work In Mexico American worker in Mexico says the Mexican authorities keep close tabs on foreign workers, forcing bribes, taking fingerprints and checking bank accounts. By Greg [...]
As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was. “Go down the hill,” I told them, “out the door, past the pool, 200 yards down the block, [...]
Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight An African Lion much like this is responsible for the death of 28 Cambodian Midgets Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion Tickets had been sold-out three weeks before the much anticipated fight, which took place in the city of Kƒmp¢ng ChhnÆng. [...]
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one [...]
While I’m not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy, every so often, you got umpteen shots, whether you needed them or not. The carrier pilot in front of me as we passed thru the line asked for a drink of water after receiving what seemed to be at least a [...]
One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year. “Why don’t you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?” another friend suggested. “I thought of that,” he replied. “But my keyboard doesn’t have Roman numerals on it.”
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. “They just don’t make these bags like they used to,” the clerk blurted to the [...]
10) “EEEEEKKK!!!!!!” 9) “Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin…” “The GOOD news is… you have termites.” 7) “Do you happen to have a large net?” 6) “You know, I’m also a taxidermist.” 5) “Ma’am, I’m afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me.” 4) “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” 3) [...]
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don’t love me any more…” “Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.”
An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good night’s sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me.” “Why not,” he asks. She answers back, “Because I’m dead.” The husband says to her, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together [...]