At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake’s edge and yelled through his megaphone, “Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up.” Several minutes passed, but the boat didn’t return. “Boat number 99,” he again hollered, “return to the dock immediately or I’ll have to charge you overtime.”
“Something is wrong here, boss,” [...]
You know you’ve been drinking too much coffee when…
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You just completed another sweater… and you don’t know how to knit!
You answer the door before people knock.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You ski [...]
Australian researchers say they have discovered a new repellent that can help with everything from rehabilitating old mine sites to reducing the amount of roadkill. It’s dingo urine.
Researchers at Curtin University have been startled by the effectiveness of urine from Australia’s wild dogs in scaring off kangaroos which chew through areas of new-growth vegetation.
The university’s [...]
A travel agent said to his customer, “I can get you three days and two nights in Rome for a hundred bucks.”
“How come so cheap?” replied the customer.
The travel agent told him, “The days are July 11, 12 and 13. The nights are July 21 and 22.”
These are actual comments left last year on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:
“A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.”
“Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”
“Instead of a permit system or regulations, [...]
Your Kids Do It, and Your Business Should Too
Doubtless, you have heard the term, ‘blog’. Bloggers, as they are called, have been credited with bringing down key political and media figures like former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott and CBS news anchor Dan Rather.
Your teenager might use a blog as a way to chronicle his [...]
* You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You chew on other people’s fingernails.
* You answer the door, before people knock.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
* You don’t even wait for the [...]
Cards offering used textbooks for sale are posted on the college notice board at the beginning of each semester. One read: “Introduction to Psychology, $8, never used.” The card was signed, “Must sell.”
The next day a note had been added: “Good price. Are you sure it’s never been used?” Signed, “Prospective buyer.”
Below in a different [...]
blueskies24@charter.net
Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
Bystander: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.
Bystander: I’m not. I’m her mother.
An older man is on the operating table awaiting surgery. He has insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. He is about to receive the anesthesia when he asks to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if [...]
“I had the strangest dream last night,” a man was telling his psychiatrist.
“I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I just [...]
“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security, will not have, nor do they deserve, either one”
~ Thomas Jefferson
The following was overheard at a recent high society party…
“My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,” said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, “How far does your family go back?”
“I don’t know,” was the reply. “All of our records were lost in the flood.”
When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away.
“Johnny wait until we say our prayer.”
“I don’t have to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s our house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house, and she knows how to cook!”
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am [...]
I was mad! aztecan bearberry Didn’t she?
“A ghost of a smile at the corners of her mouth; she touched his face briefly, with some affection. You got a funny idea of just, Mr Paul Sheldon. He recognized walking as good exercise, but it was boring. you know they are just imaginings, don’t you? She gave [...]
And regaining his self-possession, Alexey Alexandrovitch quietly took leave and went away.
When they rose from table, Levin would have liked to follow Kitty into the drawing room; but he was afraid she might dislike this, as too obviously paying her attention. He remained in the little ring of men, taking part in the general conversation, [...]
“I’ll tell you what interests me very much,” said Levin. “He’s right that our system, that’s to say of rational farming, doesn’t answer, that the only thing that answers is the money-lender system, like that meek-looking gentleman’s, or else the very simplest…. Whose fault is it?” “Our own, of course. Besides, it’s not true that [...]
The Federal Drug and Food Administration is planning to issue a guide for proper eating that advises you to:
A. List your ten favorite foods.
B. List your five favorite beverages.
C. List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.
D. List water.
E. Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.
The doctor had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.
However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.
As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, “It’s nothing… just his beeper.”