O Boogers

Remember, this man is in charge of the free world.

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Good show Stahl. Glad you liked my booger

Responses to questions on 5th and 6th grade science tests: – There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. – Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should. – Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know [...]

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!” “Really?” [...]

Q I’d like to ask you to speak on the broad implications of that recent Supreme Court case — not the specifics of the case. But the justices said that you overreached your authority. And your critics have been saying that, too. Given your support and respect for the Court, are you willing to rethink [...]

I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. “Sorry,” I replied, “but I’ve been incapacitated.” Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, “I’m incapacitated. Do you know what that means?” She hesitated. [...]

Dieting is a lot easier when you factor in recently determined calorie counting principles. The following are calories that don’t count: CUSTOM MADE FOOD: Anything somebody made “just for you” must be eaten regardless of the calories because to do otherwise would be rude. But don’t worry, because the calories don’t count. FOOD EATEN QUICKLY: [...]

During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., my squad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, we realized we’d lost our map. The patrol navigator informed us, “Our odds are 1 in 360 that we’ll get out of here.” “How did you come up with that?” someone asked. “Well,” he [...]

One rainy evening, my husband, John, and I emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car. He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so we went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found. John then ran [...]

No matter where you are reading this article from, you most likely have a printer nearby. And there’s a very good chance that it is an inkjet printer. Since their introduction in the latter half of the 1980s, inkjet printers have grown in popularity and performance while dropping significantly in price. An inkjet printer is [...]

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