Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met Father Flaherty. The priest said, “Top o’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donvan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?” She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Fadder.” The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones [...]
Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurting– even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head. Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while Upstairs the family continued to snore. And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks [...]
Roy Collette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the same pair of pants as a Christmas present for 11 years– and each time the package gets harder to open. This year the pants came wrapped in a car mashed into a 3-foot cube. The trousers are in the glove compartment of a 1974 Gremlin. Now [...]
My wife asked me to help wrap Christmas presents this year, but I was watching football and declined to help. She then informed me that if I didn’t help, I’d be in big, big trouble, so I helped. However, she didn’t tell me to put tags on them, so I think I may be in [...]
Authentic Amusing Headlines Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find — The Los Angeles Times Light’ meals are lower in fat, calories – Huntington Herald-Dispatch Alcohol ads promote drinking – The Hartford Courant Infertility unlikely to be passed on — Montgomery Advertiser Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link — Cornell Daily Sun Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After [...]
What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don’t Like*. 10. “Well, well, well, now, there’s a gift!” 9. “No, with all the hostile takeovers this year, I missed the big Ronco/K-Tel/Ginsu merger. Would you just look at that! What will they think of next?!” 8. “Hey, as long as I don’t [...]
Press Release: Arvada, CO, Nov. 14, 2007 A research-based supplement company (GNS), is recruiting participants between the ages of 18 and 69 for a local marketing study. In an odd twist of events, their last test group, a group of self-proclaimed “desperate housewives” were recruited to try the new ‘Slim Seduction’ pill which they quickly [...]
Christmas is one day, same day every year. December 25. Jews love Dec. 25th. It’s another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never [...]
Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade homework assignment to “Explain God.” “One of God’s main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn’t make grown-ups, just babies. [...]
A man is driving down the road and he sees a nigger family carrying furniture and dishes into an outhouse. He just shakes his head and keeps driving. The next day he sees them attaching a satellite dish to the roof of the outhouse. He just shakes his head and keeps driving. The next day [...]
Two white convicts escape from their prison, only to find that a nigger has followed them out and is running along with them. The three of them see a few tree in the distance and they each climb up one to avoid the bloodhounds that are tracking them. When the police and dogs get to [...]
Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding. One says, “It’s ridiculous! He’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?” The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.” “What do you call it?” “We call it a football wedding.” [...]
If you have an “Automotive Minded” person in you life, these gift suggestions should be considered. 1. Tire Air Change Kit. This kit comes with everything you need to change the air in your tires. This highly recommended but often overlooked maintenance item is much easier now. Remember to change your air every 3000 miles [...]
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying. “Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time,” the biker [...]
A man returned from a trip when a big storm hit their town, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. When he got home and into his bedroom at about 2 a.m., he found his two children in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. He resigned himself to sleep in the guest [...]
Elect Hillary Clinton and the Chinese won’t have to break in, she will just give them the keys. Remember what all disappeared when Blo-me Bill was Pres. Hackers Launch Cyberattack on Federal Labs Investigators Believe Chinese Hackers Carried Out ‘Sophisticated’ Hit This is pretty scary: Two major military and nuclear weapons labs have been breached [...]
Gunman shoots dead student missionaries Times Online, UK – 3 hours ago At least four people were killed and six were hospitalised in two Colorado shootings separated by 12 hours and less than 70 miles, at a Christian missionary … Why would a gunman shoot dead students??? For that matter just how many were really [...]