Kid Comments

* A kindergarten teacher asked, “What is the shape of the earth?”
One lil’ girl spoke up: “According to my Daddy — terrible!”

* Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil’ tyke piped up,= “Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you!”

* Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.”
“Good idea.” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”

* I guess you can get too health conscious… The wife and I don’t have a lot of “junk food” in the house. Upon eating a snack of some munchies or other my Grandson asked what vitamins they had in them. I told him I doubted there were any at all. He replied wide-eyed, “You mean these are just for fun?”

Hiccup Cure

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something to cure the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face. (Whack)

“What did you do that for?” the man asks.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”

The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

New Discovery

The scene: Alexander Graham Bell’s laboratory.

An exciting new discovery is about to take place. Mr. Bell and his assistant, a man named Watson, have been hard at work on Bell’s new invention to transmit sound over wires.

As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the receiver, he suddenly hears … ring, ring , ring …. then….

“Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?”

Winter in Pakistan

Winter in Pakistan – Newsletter # 33

Likely you have seen Pakistan earthquake relief operations on television. Although ADRA Pakistan has trucked much of its relief effort into the Bagh area, ADRA has received considerable assistance with helicopter deliveries and personnel transport as well. Since helicopter operations began, there have been only a few days when weather prevented helicopters from delivering relief supplies to the quake-stricken areas.

According to News International, Pakistan , by the end of December our United States helicopters had delivered more than 14 million pounds of humanitarian assistance to the earthquake struck areas since helicopter operations began October 10. The US is currently operating twelve CH47 Chinook helicopters along with four S70 Australian helicopters. During the past 80 days, US helicopters have flown more than 2,900 sorties, carried 14,156 passengers, evacuated 3,715 injured, and delivered more than 14 million pounds of humanitarian aid. The commencement of sling loading operations in November has allowed the US military to increase the rate at which it delivers aid.

In addition, the United Nations Humanitarian Air Service (UNHAS), under the auspices of the United Nations World Food Programme, has also had sixteen MI-8 helicopters flying relief operations and plans to add more. (Although WFP organizes and manages the service, it is a common service for the benefit of all eligible users.) The MI-8 is specifically designed as a transport helicopter. Its interior seats are removable, it has tie-downs on the floor for securing cargo, and it has an internal winch for pulling loads in through its rear clamshell doors. In the earthquake relief operations, a more important feature now is its cargo sling system capable of carrying up to three tons.

Helicopter sling loading provides a significant advantage for the relief efforts. Traditionally, loading cargo inside a helicopter takes approximately 10-15 minutes, requires a landing maneuver and another 10-15 minutes to unload at the delivery site. When loading internally, the amount of humanitarian aid delivered was typically limited to about 5,000 pounds. By using sling loads, the CH47 Chinook is able to deliver more than 10,000 pounds of relief supplies to an affected area, hover, drop the supplies, and quickly fly out.

UNHAS has also provided a large number of cargo nets for the relief operations. After the supplies are dropped on the ground, the various NGOs and the Pakistani military work together to collect the nets for reuse.


Several people have asked how many families are yet homeless. John McGhee has responded that there is still a great need. The number of NGOs still delivering shelter and quilts is diminishing, and those still assisting in that regard are spread over the entire quake-affected region. John writes, “I have frequently asked the UN agencies for an accurate picture of how many people are still without shelters. They say it is impossible to know for sure.

“But most of us on the ground are aware that plenty of reports have been verified of villages where the data indicates families have received shelters, but in fact, they have not. According to our project director in Bagh, “so many people are begging for shelters. We simply cannot provide enough…”

“So the fight for life goes on.”


Please continue praying. God continues hearing and answering prayers. An example: John has to make a downpayment on every order, then he must pay in full upon delivery. No exceptions! All of which caused him a couple of sleepless nights last week when the delivery date was upon him and funds had not arrived. But God is never, ever late (though sometimes we humans may think He is, according to our own time schedules!).

Just in time the wire transfer arrived. Isn’t God good? Praise God, from Whom ALL blessings flow.


Yup, that's the way it is

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!” But the passer-by says “You are mistaken, I am Mexican”.

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!” The person says “I no American, I Vietnamese.”

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says “Thank you for the wonderful America!”

That person puts up his hand and says “I am from Middle East, I am not an American!”

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, “Are you an American?”She says, “No, I am from Russia!” So he is puzzled, and asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”

The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says… “Probably at work!”

Award Shows

Can you believe how many award shows they have now? It seems like that have an award show for everything.

They even have awards for commercials! The Clio Awards, a whole show full of commercials.

I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

You're Not A Monk

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”v The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.

Real Answers

These, are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Knitting Chinese

Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic patterns with ease.

There was an occasion when we had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu she was so impressed with the calligraphy she tucked the menu in her purse. Some months later I saw the result, a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front.

She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when we met a distinguished Chinese physician who asked my wife where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant.

“I’m afraid to ask,” she said, “but tell me anyway.”

Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, “This is a cheap dish–but good.”

Change of Reply

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn’t have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base’s corridor floors, and asked him, “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”

Private Duncan replied, “Sure.”

The Corporal turned red. He said, “That’s no way to address a superior officer! Now let’s try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?”

Private Duncan replied, “No, SIR!”